| I was born half way through the year 1979. I already had an older sister and was to obtain another sister and brother later in life. I came into this world with God looking after me and if it wasn't for that I would not be able to type this up now for you too read it. A big thankyou too you Lord for always being there for me even when I didn't know it. I was born into a family that was not able to meet my needs adequately. I thank my parents for doing the best job they could with the knowledge and programming they had. However like so many children growing up in today's world their best wasn't good enough i grew up feeling lonely, rejected, unworthy and not wanted, this led me to feeling hurt and angry. Whoever you are and where ever you are I am writing this to show you that you are not alone in your suffering and that their is always hope if you only let him in. My father was always busy with his work and my mother was frequently ill i was looked after by friends and relatives. I don't have many childhood memories which is a fair indication that it wasn't something that i wanted too remember. My early childhood was spent moving around Victoria a lot as my father got moved from store too store. Before finally settling down to start school. I went through a few primary schools making few friends and getting picked on a lot. Secondary College wasn't much different I didn't fit in with the in crowd and I didn't really fit in with the drop outs either I was stuck in the middle. My worth of self was zero with a shallow self esteem a vague knowledge of who I was and what I wanted. I emersed myself in novels escaping my reality into a world of fiction. It didn't change life though it was still shit and I tried as I might to change this but I didn't have a clue how to. So I ended up doing things I now wish I hadn't done and deeply regret doing. I hurt those around me and myself and to this day I have to deal with the consequences of my actions. Which in a round about way brings me up to present day I still at times feel lonely, rejected, unworthy, not wanted, hurt and angry. However I am also now an adult and I have to take responsibility for my own life. I cannot change the things that have happened to me or the things I have done but I can change how these things affect me now. And that is what I am endeavouring too do, it isn't easy and at times I feel like giving up but I know that I am becoming a better man for what I am doing. I mentioned briefly at the start about God, God for me is my heavenly father whom I can have a relationship with through Jesus Christ. He died on the cross that I might live. I believe that he is the Son of God I believe he died for my sins and I believe that by believing this and asking him to be Lord of my life and aceppting his free gift of forgiveness for my sins that I may reap his blessing both here on this earth and with him in heaven when I die. If you can't believe in something that you can't see then how do you believe in the wind? You can't actually see it but you can see it blowing through the trees on a windy day can't you. Likewise see God in the people around you and I am standing up to be counted as one of his people that others may see him through me I want to be a branch in the family of God. Thankyou for taking the time to read this my testimony and may you find the eternal source of unconditional love as I have. If you have any queries, questions or comments feel free to contact me at [email protected]. |
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